Hi! I will introduce myself properly on here at some point, but this first post is inspired by my dear friend Jennie’s blog post; a mini writing workshop exercise that can be found here. Give it a read and have a go if you want! 🙂

At primary school my classmates always loved Hide and Seek. The seeker would count to one hundred really fast; basically a load of incoherent mumbles which in reality gave the hiders about 20 seconds to find their preferred sanctuary. ONE HUNDRED!!!!! Would be heard across the playground.

This then became a game of “Tig” where the lucky hiders would leave their safe havens and run to the low wall by the infant’s school entrance, evading capture by the seeker. Unlucky hiders would get a thwack on the arm, accompanied by a smug, load “TIIIGGG!!” from the seeker. Guess which one of those hiders I was?! 

As a 5 – 11 year old, I HATED this hybrid game and thought it most unfair. For starters, the name was wrong – it wasn’t Hide and Seek at all, it was Hide and Tig. There was no seeking in the equation. Secondly, and this was the unfair part – it put those who were good at running and swerving to avoid the thwacky hand at a distinct advantage. To me it wasn’t fun, it was mean. But I was a spoilsport if I didn’t want to play, according to my classmates and my teachers.

I’ve been thinking about self esteem lately, in that I don’t have a lot of it and I want to change that. I’m not saying that kids being mean to me during a game of Hide and Seek screwed me over as a woman in her thirties, but things happening to you as a kid do play a part in informing who you are today. I’ve never been sporty, really – can’t run fast, I actually feel like my life is flashing before my eyes if I’m expected to catch something and even now it takes Herculean amounts of effort to do some exercise. So games based on physical agility and speed were never in my list of favourite things to do, and never will be. Do not expect me to join a netball team anytime soon. The Best Version of Me is somewhere, but it’s very well hidden amongst all the suitcases and holdalls that is my emotional baggage.

(Image: Me and my emotional baggage but make it early noughties and VERY fancy – that’s Paris Hilton btw)

When I was about 9 years old me and my parents went to Cornwall for a holiday and I met a girl around my age. Her name was Sarah and she lived near Cambridge and we hung out together for the week. The holiday park we were staying at was set in a woodland area and we would play Hide and Seek the right way. Someone hid while the other counted and then tried to find the hider. No being chased, no THWACK and “TIIIGGG!!!”. And it was actually a game I enjoyed playing. Hide and Seek for All, if you will.

I’m still trying to seek out the Best Version of Myself. When I find it, I will gently but persuasively TIG.